Who gives you your worth?

I'm sitting here on Polzath beach; the one place Spirit is so loud I cannot fail to hear It.

This year I have been working through the challenge of Self Worth and now Spirit gives me the next piece of the puzzle.

You see when you've lived with emotional abuse, either through (in my case) a romantic relationship or, as others have experienced, from their parents, you end up putting more value on the person that shouts the loudest or hits the hardest.  Out of the need for safety your idea of what you need is put to one side.

But, when you move from that place of abuse you are often still in the habit of looking for others to gauge your worth.

For us to move forward we have to leave this behind. Those people that we gave our power to abused it.  In my eyes that puts them in the category of "bad people". 

Do they deserve that much power? 
Did they have our best interests at heart?

NO!

So it's time to take that judgement back and, if possible, own it for yourself.

So as I walk along the beach in jeans while others are in swim suits because my body image is too low to join them, I'm going to stop thinking that I don't deserve to enjoy the beach and I'm going to soak it up.

For all those fighting low self esteem, you have as much right to the space you take up in the world as anyone else.  Own it baby!!!

Even if you feel no one sees your value, know that I do!!

To shield or not to shield?

In the metaphysical communities we are taught to use shielding to protect ourselves from the energies around us. We are told that as we start our journey into deeper realms we will meet energies that are dangerous and harmful or that we will become affected by the energies of other people, some of whom are suffering deeply.

To start with I tried these methods but I found I tended to forget. This is nothing new for me, I am not a routine or ritualistic kind if person, but it also didn't feel right somehow. Over time I have realised that this method is great to start off with, but there are better ways of going about dealing with these more challenging energies.

The first problem I have with shielding is that it sets up the thought process that we are too weak to deal with other people's emotions; that we need to hide behind something to be safe. As a survivor of relationship abuse I refuse to take anything on that gives me a subtle message that I am weak, or at least not strong enough. I want to become strong enough, energetically and personality wise, to be able to handle whatever the world throws at me not hide away in fear.

With this in mind I thought there must be another way of handling it. Let's look at this practically:
When we consider flood water it has been found that blocking the water simply causes problems elsewhere or it just backs up and breaks the barriers.

Another example is fences, if you put up a solid fence not only will wind push against it and eventually push it over, but as it flows over the top it causes a vacuum causing suction and air moving rapidly in the wrong direction.

What the experts have learnt is that there needs to be a way to channel the water or air through the area in a slower, safer manner. This causes less of a backlog and allows movement of the damaging force.

So, when considering the flow of energy it appears that a shield may not necessarily the right tool for the job.

If we look at the methods we are taught to shield we are told to visualise things like donning armour or creating a bubble around us. This process of visualisation allows us to create metaphysical structures that protect us from these harmful energies.

What if, rather than simply using this tool to block the energy we use it to create channels that the energy can pass through without harming us?

At the cinema last week I was feeling a little overwhelmed by all the noise and visuals of the Jason Bourne film we had gone to see. I like action films but I was starting to feel it all becoming a little too much. I could have just blocked it, but instead I visualised two trumpet like bells, one either side of my shoulders, that had tubes running down either side of me and out behind me. The energy that was too much just went through the tubes and past me without having any effect.

In another situation, a few months ago I realised that I was taking on too much planetary stuff, in particular the EU referendum was kicking my arse. So, I worked with the antahkarana; the column of light that connects our chakras. It runs from above our head, down the spine and into the earth beneath our feet and acts a bit like a drain pipe allowing energy to flow from Spirit, through us, to Mother Earth.


The problem with this "structure" is that it can become disconnected and blocked. When I felt I was taking on too much I spent a moment simply checking that the top was aligned with Spirit and the bottom connected to Mother Earth. In doing so I realised there was a "plug" at the bottom caused by me feeling I needed to care, I needed to feel the country's pain so I could bear witness to it. I pulled the plug and let it all flow.... I instantly felt better, more grounded, more calm, more "me".

I realise that humanity needs people who can channel and heal these harmful energies.

We need to start finding tools so that we can do this rather than acting like energetic nimbys and turning our back on it for fear of it harming us. W don't have to hold onto it, we can just let it flow through us and away.

I am still working on this tool and I believe there should be a way of not only channeling this energy through to Mother Earth but also healing or transmuting it as it passes through. As I progress I will add to this blog.

Please don't be scared of the energies around us, fear makes us weak and unable to grow. Instead, work to find ways that you can deal with it so that you help clear it

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.CrystaloakTherpies.co.uk/

My meditation journey... so far

I can imagine when you see that title you're thinking that this will be another one of those boring blogs about how meditation has changed my life.... well, you're hopefully going to be surprised... please, read on.

You see, shock horror, I don't meditate.

That's it, I've come out and said it.  This person who is on a spiritual journey of self discovery and healing does... not... meditate.  Or at least not in the way we are told we should by almost every expert on spirituality, psychology and self development*.  I don't practice mindfulness, transcendental, Osho, Buddhist or any other style designed to quiet the mind and create distance between me and my emotions.


So why is this?  Surely everyone is jumping on this bandwagon and giving it a go.

I have tried, I assure you, I have tried.  And there have been moments when sitting in my room I have found wonderful peace, but more often than not I have found that the silence simply makes the noise louder and my stress levels rise.  I've more often than not come out of those moments of seeking peace more anxious and filled with self hate than when I went in.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have read about meditation, I understand that this is the early stages and I completely accept that there is a theory that if I stuck with it I would come out the other side and find myself staring at the moon over a lake of tranquility.   It is possible that if I was carefully instructed to move through this process I could reach amazing states of mind. Or would I?

I've just been listening to an interesting program on Radio 4 called Out of the Ordinary - Mindfulness and Madness and it has confirmed some of my suspicions regarding this new fashion of mindfulness and meditation; that it is much more complex than we are being told.

Despite my own experiences and the studies mentioned in the program I do actually believe it is a powerful tool... for some.  I also believe that with the right tuition more people can gain a lot from it, but I also believe that for some it is a pathway to more problems than healing.

For me meditation is a tool in a toolbox, just like my Bach Remedies or any of the other healing modalities available.  It works for some but not others.  The problem is, like every other time a new fashion comes along, it becomes unacceptable to admit it doesn't work for you.  Just like when Reiki became popular and was thought to be the magic bullet that would heal the world, for some of us we just don't gel with it.  And you know what, that really is ok.

So, if you are one of those people that wants to progress on your journey but find meditation far too challenging, rather than feel pressured to do it anyway or bad because it must mean you're a failure, just accept that you are different, and that is ok.  Look for other tools that can be used to help you find peace.  I find journalling to be greatly beneficial, others use running, singing, dancing, or crafts as ways to quiet the mind or seek objectivity of their thoughts.  This is your path, walk it your way.

There may be a time when I am in a place where I will try again.  I am not discounting it's benefits at all, just for now though I am going to accept myself as I am and reach for my journal rather than my meditation cushion.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.CrystaloakTherpies.co.uk/

*For those that are aware that I run a meditation group and think that is crazy, bear in mind that what I do work with is guided visualisation which is also often called meditation but is something quite different.

Are you automatically grumpy?

This time of year is tough for me, as regular readers will know I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and despite all the tools I have at my disposal I still struggle to keep upbeat.

One of the things I do to help is have a flow of inspirational and upbeat posts on my Facebook news feed, I like to have them so I can post to my page but also there is the hope that they will break me out of my funk.  The problem is, my default setting is often set to grumpy.  Not particularly nasty, just... grumpy.  My heart chakra closes, love stops flowing and my automatic response to anything nice and light is a sneer before I scroll on.

Sometimes though I catch myself and I see that this isn't really who I am, this is just me making an automatic response to something that is at a higher frequency than I am managing at this point.  When this realisation comes I have a choice; continue to sneer or raise my vibration by opening my heart and turning off my automatic response.  When I do that I find I can access the part of me that resonates with the cheerful post and I feel so much better.

It's hard to notice but I think so many of us have this automatic grumpy mode.  We simply don't see that our energies have sunk, for whatever reason, and we are coming from a place of a closed heart.

Pay attention to your responses to things, do you really mean what you say or how you react, or is it just a stock response.  If it is, take a moment to really think about what you are responding to; is it possibly coming from a higher frequency than you in this moment?  Use it as an opportunity to lift yourself to that frequency, just for a moment and see how it feels.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloaktherapies.co.uk/

Workforce; I salute you!

As you will know, I have been interested in self development for quite some years and I have watched the fashions come and go; TM, yoga, vegan raw diets, pilates, and mindfulness have all been flavour of the month at some point or another.  I have to say though that the latest one has started to leave a very bitter taste in my mouth - entrepreneurship.

Now, I am fully aware that the fact that I have this reaction to this shows that there is work I need to do on myself.  It is clearly pushing buttons in me that need to be addressed, and this blog is me attempting to address one of them.

I believe the love of entrepreneurship started with the "do what you love" movement.  The message came through that you couldn't be happy unless you were doing exactly what you wanted to do.  From there people realised they didn't want to be working for the man but wanted to follow their own paths and make a living doing what they wanted.  Fuelled by the global crash where millions of people lost their jobs the fascination with being self employed began.

At this stage I thought it was wonderful.  So many people were following their dreams and creating new things and earning a living doing it.  Of course, as is often the case, it went too far.

Yesterday I watched a Youtube titled How to build self esteem - The six pillars of self esteem and it was all going really well until it got to number 5.  This pillar is about living purposefully; a noble trait and one we can all learn, however, it appears that the only way to live purposefully is to be an entrepreneur.

Here we find the nub of my problem.  It seems there is a growing subtle message throughout the wellbeing and self development communities that if you are not an entrepreneur you are somehow failing yourself.  That somehow you are not following your dream or living purposefully.

So, I wanted to write this blog to personally thank and salute those of us who get up every morning and do the things that need to be done.  I look through my friends and I see nurses, lorry drivers, steel erectors, train engineers, packaging designers, social workers, teachers, bin lorry drivers, window fitters, need I go on?  People who keep the world running.  People who you don't see making a fuss, they just get up every morning and go and do what they do.  What if they all decided to be yoga teachers?*

Do you think these people are living without purpose simply because they are employed rather than self employed?  Is it not possible to have a sense of purpose and be employed, either from the thing you do to pay the bills or what you do outside of work?

In one of my favourite books, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, a whole planet decided to take all the people they didn't really value and put them on a space ship that is set to crash land elsewhere.  At the end of that part of the story the original population die out because they got rid of all the telephone sanitisers.  Do we really want to make the people we need feel so unloved that no-one wants to do the job?  Just how much will we suffer if we do that?
  
I for one would like to say thank you, I appreciate the work you do!

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloaktherapies.co.uk/

*And just in case you think I am being hypocritical because surely I am self employed being a complementary therapist.. actually no, in my day job I am a bookkeeper for a bearing company.  I keep the company that fixes the machines that makes your breakfast cereal running.  Healing is my passion, but I know I need a full time job.  My reasons for this are another blog yet to be written.

How long will your New Year's resolution last?

Now that all the Christmas festivities are over we hear the common phrase; "What new year
resolutions will you be making?" and we tend to roll out the same old thing, eat less, exercise more, read more, facebook less, but in reality we know by the middle of January we will be making the same calls to the chinese while sitting staring at facebook when we should be at the gym.

So why does this happen, why do we get so disillusioned so quickly?

Personally I think we expect too much too quickly.  Living in this fast paced world we expect instant results and when we don't see them we give up.  I know I am guilty of this at times.  This is where I like to look to Pagan beliefs and apply them to the concept of new year's resolutions.

Many Pagans follow the cycle of the seasons as part of their spirituality, and with this comes the concept of there being a time for everything.  This can easily be connected to these promises we make to ourselves.

If we cast back thousands of years to a time when our lives were governed more by the growing season we can see where the concept of a yearly new start may have begun.
 

The time of new beginnings starts with the darkest time of the year; the longest night or Winter Solstice on or around December 21st. Metaphorically this can be seen as an end, the darkest time for the soul where only faith says that the light will return.  As the dawn breaks on the morning after the long night we are reborn into a new year.  At this time slates are wiped clean and we start afresh.  This is the time to make plans for the coming year.

However, anyone who has tried to grow anything in the depths of winter will know, now is not the time to be sowing seeds.

In the winter farmers are looking to prepare the land.  They may be growing a green manure crop; plants that will simply be ploughed back into the land to fertilise it, or they may be ploughing and leaving the ground bare for the frosts to turn large hard lumps into a fine tilth.  

It is not until the earth starts to warm weeks later that seeds are even sown.  The surface of the soil is turned over and the seeds are lost into the darkness; only faith and experience tell that they will grow.  From there there is much waiting before the tiny signs of growth appear around March when we reach the equinox.  These are still only the smallest of frail shoots that could be knocked back or killed by a late frost.  Gentle nurturing, fair weather and the winter's preparation all add to the chances of the seeds growing into strong plants.  

Once there are signs of growth watering and weeding is needed to ensure that by the time we get to midsummer the plants are strong and vital.   However, it is not until after the summer solstice in June that finally the fruits of all this work can be harvested.

Looking at this as a metaphor we can see why New Year's resolutions so easily fail.  Where is the preparation and the patience?  The nurturing and care?

So when New Year arrives in the next few days, think about how you can make your new plans more sustainable.  Rather than signing up for the gym now how about starting with going for a walk and work your way up to being able to make good use of gym membership.  Rather than going on a crash diet that you can't maintain; start looking at where gentle changes can be made that will add up to better lifestyle choices.  If you want to learn a new craft spend the start of the year learning about what you plan to do, which equipment is best and who is the best teacher.

Now is a time to prepare the ground, seeds sown now may never grow.  Give yourself the best chance.

Happy new year everyone!

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/

We can all do something, no matter what we are told

I saw this meme today and, although I have no idea whether the beloved Jim Henson said this it got me thinking...

We live in a time when we are bombarded with the woes of the world.  Whether it is the horrific acts of Daesh, the ever present threat of global warming, or problems closer to home in our own country with financial and housing problems.  Our news feeds are filled with big problems and it can become overwhelming.  We fall into "what can I do?  It's all too much" and because of that we are paralysed from doing anything.

Me being a lover of food I tend to think of these issues as being like a burger (veggie in my case) that is just too big to get into your mouth.  It's full of lovely things that you would love to get to but there is just no way.  What do we tend to do in these situations?  Well, you could get a knife and fork but, for some reasons, burgers just don't taste the same that way.  No, we start to take it apart and we eat smaller pieces.  Maybe a bit of the burger with some bread.  Then we have some of the pickle (yes, I am one of those that likes the pickle) with a bit of lettuce and slowly but surely you are able to eat the delicious meal.

We can do this with the world too.  Of course we can't solve the refugee crisis, of course we can't fight Daesh or change the tax evaders, but we can do something small.  At the very very least we can smile at a passer by, we can donate just a pound or two to a charity, we can volunteer with charities or we can make sure that every message we give out over social media is one of hope.

One small ant can't make much of a difference... but how much do we fear a swarm of ants entering our home...

Visit my website to learn more about my healing practice  

www.CrystaloakTherapies.co.uk/

 

Accepting our reality - we are here, we need to accept it

When I first started on this spiritual path and learnt about being a lightworker I became aware of a deep and desperate need to "go home"; to return to Spirit.  I found the place I connected to in meditation and when I was doing healing work was so blissful and held so much love for me at a time when I was surrounded by toxic people and a world intent on destroying itself.  Why wouldn't I prefer to be "up there" rather than "down here".

I struggled for years with this homesickness, I just couldn't handle being in such a harsh environment when I knew somewhere else was so much nicer, but the only way to get there was to end it all... and I knew that would not solve the problem.  Believing in reincarnation does that to you, I knew I'd only be back and would have to face it all again.  So I realised I had better get on with learning how to be down here.

So what has changed?

Looking back I realise that there was a paradox at play.  In having a strong desire to be elsewhere I was metaphorically hiding under the bed.  I was using my connection to Spirit to take myself off the earth energetically in the hope of not having to deal with the problems around me.  Rather than helping this actually made me weak and even less able to cope with what life threw at me.

For maybe 5 years now I have been working on being more grounded, more connected to the earth.  I didn't want to do it, I wanted to escape, but I knew that if I was going to progress I needed accept it.  It has been a tough journey at times, many buttons have been pushed and many fears triggered.  I know I have a lot of work still to do, but I realise it has dulled the desperate need to go home.

It seems crazy, working to get closer to the thing that challenges you the most.  When something hurts we are programmed to recoil, to move away from it as fast as possible.  With this we have to face the fear and learn that we are stronger than it.

So how do we do this?  How do we find a way to make being down here easier?

Step 1 - Turn off the news and put the magazine down.... just for a while
Every day we are flooded with messages about how terrible the world is.  We are also led to believe that in taking this on we are somehow helping make a difference. 

I want you to think about one particular thing that is bothering you at the moment in the world.  Maybe it's the immigrant crisis; people drowning in the Med or dying in lorries.  It could be the war in Syria and Iraq or it could be the shrinking of the ice in Alaska.  What are you going to do today that will make a tangible difference to that problem?  How are you going to solve it?  Are you going to donate live changing amounts of money, go and protest, sign up to fight oppression? I don't mean to be harsh but I doubt you will be doing anything.  So what does knowing about it actually achieve other than making you miserable?

I understand we need to know what is happening around us but when it paralyses us with fear it is not helping.  So, for 1 month unplug.  I promise, in that time you won't have made any situation worse but it gives you a clear space to start work.

Step 2 - Remove as many toxic people from your life as possible.
There will always be those people that we are stuck with such as family members and work colleagues, but there are others that we do have a choice about.

This can be a tough one, many lightworkers don't believe they have the right to stand up for themselves and have low self esteem but it is something that has to be done.  You have every right to choose your friends and walk away from anyone who hurts you or makes you feel inferior.  If you can't remove them, like the media, take some time out to give you breathing space.

Step 3 - Start looking for the positive things in life; they are there if you look hard enough.  Websites such as Positive News only report good news and it's quite an eye opener seeing what is happening that the mainstream media is ignoring.

Step 4 - Work on grounding and your lower chakras.
Most lightworkers live in their upper chakras and the chakras below the heart are almost completely forgotten.  It sounds counter intuitive but in working on these and using other grounding techniques we become stronger in our presence down here and more able to handle what the world throws at us.

One of the first things I did was meditate to meet Gaia; the Earth Mother.  In the past my meditations had always focussed on reaching up to that blissful Spirit energy where I could hide from the horrors.  The grounding process had always been a simple hand shake, a necessity because I was taught to do it, there was never any desire to linger before I dashed up out of my body and into that blissful light. 

In meeting, embracing and truly accepting Gaia I found loving, safe energy that I didn't expect.  It was like being held by the most compassionate mother and it brought me to tears.  Although Spirit energy is still the most amazing feeling, knowing Gaia is on my team made a big difference.


I also believe that in starting to learn tai chi and chi kung has helped as that most definitely focusses on being grounded, connected to the earth energy and becoming immovable.

Just recently my guide has changed from my beloved "boy next door" who has been with me all this time to a strong female African warrior.   She challenges me to embrace my strength and physicality in a loving but strong way.

I still have a lot of work to do before I can say I am fully in my body and happy to be here.  Learning to stay grounded and connected to the earth brings challenges but at least I am no longer hiding under the bed desperate to go home.

Visit my website to learn more about my healing practice  

www.CrystaloakTherapies.co.uk/

 

Walking the path of humility

Humility is the ability to know ones own worth without comparing it to others.  It is a deep love and respect for the self but with the ego set aside.  When we let our ego control our self worth we use comparison as a tool: "look how bad that person is, see, I am a good person"?   Or conversely, "that person is so wonderful, I wish I could be as good as them."  Humbleness states "I know my strengths and weaknesses, and that is fine".  There is no comparison to others, just calm and simple self respect.  When we meet someone who has a skill we lack we honour them because we know it doesn't make them better than us.  When someone is nasty we are not harmed by them and we do not judge them because we know that we too have the ability to be nasty and we see the hurt person inside.

For me, learning this balance is a life long journey that I will be walking for some time yet.  Coming from a place of deep self hate and low self esteem it is a long and rocky road.  It started by understanding that not everyone hates themselves like this, and was closely followed by a second helping of self hate when I realised that I even failed at something that looked as simple as loving myself.

The journey brings the highs of realising that other people are less perfect than me and the deep valleys of realising that that simple comparison is also a failure.  There are the pendulum swings between "I am terrible" and "I am amazing" that never seem to pass through "I am enough" for long enough for me to understand how to stay there.

I started to emulate others, only to realise that was fake and would give a veneer of "ok" that would crumble as soon as it was tested.  I tried comparing myself with others so I could pitch myself on a league table of "goodness" until I saw that this was simply my ego taking control again.  And so the journey continues.

This week put me in a situation where I was given the chance to stay in that sweet spot for just a moment.  I won't go into details but I experienced what I believe was someone else going through a similar pendulum swing.  A person I believe is insecure who was acting the big guy to hide it.

Now, the ego would say "look at you, I see through your bullshit and bravado and see the small scared child underneath.  I am so much better than you".  This would be the me that is also the small scared child acting the big guy to hide it.  Instead I thought "oh wow, they're pretending to be big and strong so we don't see the small child.  I could choose to judge or I could choose compassion" 

The ego is still there, niggling, telling me how easy it would be to scorn this person for trying to pretend that they are amazing. But, because there is also the balance of understanding that I too have the same habits. I have hope that this shows I have made some progress.

I also had the chance of an ego boost for the simple fact that I saw what was going on with both of us, and you know what, I'm gonna take it.  Learning humility isn't about accepting how rubbish I am, it's about learning that there are things I am good at and celebrating them.

This is a winding path that forces me to take a cruel look at who I really am and what it really going on.  It shows when my ego had puffed up its chest to protect the rubbish little girl and there is no hiding from it.  The path is so narrow, an abyss of self hate ever present by my side but I am determined to walk it and find the true me that I can love and respect.

Visit my website to learn more about my healing practice  

www.CrystaloakTherapies.co.uk/

 

How to be successful without being amazing

Humanity is waking up to the idea that life doesn't have to be as it was in the past.  We are realising there is more to life than being a "slave to the man" with our brains shut off, believing what we are told and living our lives filled with obligation and drudgery.

This is a wonderful thing and it is great to see so many inspirational speakers stepping forward showing us the way it could be.  But, I think there is a big risk of us blindly following the brightest lights and still not thinking for ourselves.

The shelves are filled with books that promise to teach us to be able to follow our dreams and live our own lives, but scratch the surface and are they really telling us how to live our lives, or are they showing us that to be fulfilled and successful we need live the lives they believe are successful?

In the past being successful meant owning your own home, holding down a job and bringing your kids up to be good citizens.  Now we are meant to do this AND write a book, study a new course, run a successful business on the side, hold successful dinner parties, stay thin, sleep well, do yoga...... I could go on.  We think we are being liberated but instead we are being taken from one box labelled "successful" to another, and now the criteria is higher and we are more likely to feel we have failed.


The problem starts with the fact that many of these authors and leaders are Type A people.  They seem to magically have the energy to run from job to job, stay fit and eat healthy surviving on only 4 hours a sleep a day.  They are the special people, the geniuses, trailblazers if you like, and the thing they don't understand is how to be normal.  They don't understand that most of us just about have enough energy to go to work, deal with the kids and put a healthy meal on the table at the end of the day.

This lack of understanding leads to there being an unintended and hidden guilt trip that says "if you're not like me you're not good enough".

I am on my second book in an attempt to learn more about boundaries and assertiveness, something many lightworkers struggle with.  In both books there has been at least a section that talks about how to become successful and both have given lists of things you must do every day to achieve this such as meditate for 30 minutes, write a list of at least 10 ideas, go for a run, eat healthy, do something to make your dream come true, the list goes on and on.

Have we got to a stage where we can only be successful if we are managing to squeeze 26 hours into a day?

I want to stand here and tell you, categorically, NO!

In the end, for you to consider yourself successful at the end of the day you only have to do one thing.  Ask yourself the following question; "did I do the best I could today?" I assure you, the answer will be yes every time.  If it isn't work out what small step you can take tomorrow to do a little more.

If you want you can follow it up with; "Did I bring more light or darkness to the world?".  All it takes to bring more light is to stay positive, make someone smile or stay calm in a stressful moment.  Nothing more.

We are in a state of transition.  Those trailblazers have found their voices and they have found that people will listen to them.  However, these people are trying to wake us from our sleep by shining a bright light in our eyes, and for some that works.  But for many there needs to be a gentle dawning where the light enters our life slowly and compassionately and we find our own way of being successful, in whatever grand or subtle way that is.

I don't believe we are all meant to be grand healers, writers, painters or trailblazers.  I believe the majority of us are meant to simply hold the light, stay calm and gently improve the world with our compassion.  You can hit a rock with a hammer and you will make a difference, but if you want to make something beautiful you need to gently work it with small movements, tuning into what is really needed.  We are those small changes.

Do the best you can today, and at the end of the day, know that that is enough, you ARE successful!

Visit my website to learn more about my healing practice  

www.CrystaloakTherapies.co.uk/

Spring Equinox - clearing away the dead wood

As we reach towards the spring equinox, a time when night and day are of the same length, we are taking the next step in the cycle of the seasons.  February was a time to plan the "seeds" we wish to grow in the coming year. Now in March we are clearing the "land" in preparation for sowing those seeds.

This clearing can cause a time of turbulence, often there are unexpected endings as things we no longer need are shed from our lives.  It can feel quite hard to let go of the familiar but, just like the gardener clears away dead leaves and twigs, these are things that we no longer need and will hamper our progress if they are left.

I myself am going through this very clearing process and at times it is proving hard to let go, but that is what we must do.

Hold the faith that as the sun returns in April the land will warm up and the environment for those seeds will become much more hospitable.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/

How can healing help in the real world?

Often it's hard to see how going to see a crystal healer can help you in the real world.  I mean, we have to make real life changes to see better results, don't we?  Not just lay there and let someone waft crystals around and expect all to be ok again.

You would be right, getting a healing isn't suddenly going to fix all your problems, but it will help you make those changes.

Quite some years ago now I was in a situation where I needed to find somewhere to live.  I had been living pretty much rent free and my life had changed leaving me needed to find a flat.  The problem was I could only afford one it a really bad area.  I didn't know what to do, I would be living on my own for the first time and the last thing I wanted was be scared of every noise outside my door.

I was seeing my crystal healer almost every week at this point dealing with what was going on in my life and when I was next on the couch I explained my situation.  We talked and the crystals did their thing and we decided I would ask my boss for a raise.

We all know how pointless that would be, yes?  No boss ever gives a raise just by being asked.

But, because of the healing I was balanced, I was calm and I had faith in my ability to get what I needed.  I walked in that office the next day, stated that unless I got a raise I would need to look for another job and I was given exactly what I asked for instantly.  Within weeks I was living in a lovely flat in the best part of town.  Money was still tight, but I was there and I was safe.  I even found out that I had an amazing neighbour who helped me start to rebuild my life.

Although healing can, at times, help manifest amazing things, for the most part though what it does is bring us back to our optimum selves.  It quiets the doubt and fear, the voice that says it can't be done, and allows us to get on with doing it.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/

Do you truly give unconditionally?

How often, when you give a gift, do you say "I don't want anything in return"?  But do you really mean it?

When we give a gift it is easy to stand by the belief that in giving it we do not expect anything in return but what if that person didn't acknowledge the gift?  What if they put it to one side unopened?  How would you feel?  I would suggest you would be annoyed at their rudeness and lack of gratitude.

When we try to help someone by offering support or guidance how do we feel if this offer of support or guidance is ignored?  This would often be met with a feeling of frustration that they have chosen to stay stuck or receive help from someone else.

In the end, when our help has been repeatedly rejected we become jaded.  We tell ourselves that our help is never valued.  This can often lead us to either losing faith in ourselves or the belief that somehow we are surrounded by lesser or unkind people.

 How do we stop ourselves becoming jaded?

When we try to help the people around us we often become attached to the outcome of the offer of support.  We don't expect a return in the form of money or favours but we do want to feel that our support is valued.  We may get frustrated with our friends for their lack of gratitude, complaining that they are stuck and don't want to change but the real problem lays firmly with us.

As the Buddha said "The root of suffering is attachment".  So when we are attached to our friends taking our advice are we really giving unconditionally?

This is one of the greatest challenges for the healer or carer; to let go of the outcome of our actions.  We must give our care and compassion and then let go.  If they take our advice, that is wonderful.  If they don't, that is fine too.  We have done all we can do, the best thing to do is let it go.  This doesn't mean you don't care about the person or that you no longer want them to be happy. It means you are accepting that they have to make their own choices in their journey.  Maybe they aren't ready to make the changes you suggest, or maybe they completely disagree but are polite enough to not make it an issue.

Next time you offer support or advice, whether solicited or not, give it with love and then release yourself from the need for the advice to be taken.  YOu will find it makes trying to help people so much easier and you will find you have more to give, not less.

Why can't we change?

Over the last few months I have embarked on learning about new complementary therapies looking for new ways to grow and change.  I've been listening to Louise L Hay talk about how I can heal my life and Nick Ortner is teaching me about EFT through his book "The Tapping Solution".  I've endeavoured to go back to using the MIR Method and I've been working with the Bach Remedies.  I am even working through a course to become a colour therapist all while learning tai chi.  I'm loving every moment of it and it is all so deeply interesting and enlightening; but I still feel stuck.  Why is this?

So many of us try to improve our lives. We become aware of wounds and negative beliefs that we know are holding us back and there is a booming industry of people wanting to share their ideas on how we can change these.  From the weird to the wonderful there truly is something for everyone; and yet we are still stuck.  We spend hundreds, if not thousands of pounds trying the next thing only to find that we are still in the same place.  Why is this?

I started pondering this the other day, trying to work out why, even though I set a reminder on my computer at work to remind me to do the MIR Method, and it only takes a couple of minutes, I dismiss it every time it comes up without doing it.  Why, with all my Bach training and access to the full set of remedies do I not take them?

It's because, in reality, I am scared to change, and I don't think I am alone in this.

Think about your problems for a moment.  Maybe you hate your job.  Maybe you live with constant pain or anxiety.  Are you in an abusive relationship or unemployed trying to find a job?  Really think about your problems.

Now imagine a door in front of you.  The other side of it is a life without those problems.  Imagine what that life would look like.  Make that picture real in your mind.

Now see yourself opening the door and stepping into that life.  Is it easy?  Do you tear the door open and rush in, or do you hesitate, even just a little bit?

Thinking about this reminds me of a session I had with a counsellor when I was in my early 20s.  I was in a relationship that wasn't working and at the time I was blaming that on the trauma I experienced in my first relationship.  I had been 17 when I started seeing my first boyfriend (let's call him T) and I was very naive and easily manipulated.  T made the most of my weakness and I spent 2 years in his thrall.  I was left deeply scarred and scared and was seeing this counsellor to heal the wounds in the hope of moving forward.

I had been seeing him for a few weeks, telling him my story about how badly I had been treated, tearing my heart out every time and this day he asked me to do one simple task for him.  He asked me to repeat some words.  Those words were "I let go of everything T did to me".  That was it, that was all he wanted me to say.

It felt like it took me an age to say it.  I sat there sobbing harder than ever before because in that moment I realised that if I said those words I could no longer hang my identity on those wounds.  I could no longer blame T for making me who I am.  I realised I would have to take responsibility for my own life and finally, I would have to move forward.  I wouldn't be "T's ex who was like this because he treated her so badly" I would be me; responsible for who I am.

After a while I managed to say it and it felt like a weight had been lifted.  I was free from him in that moment.  I had made more progress in making that statement than I had in weeks of therapy, but it is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  In that moment I had been faced with a choice; stay in my world of misery, stuck and never moving forward, or step through the door into a life where I could start to take control of my life.

So often we are afraid of success.  We are comfortable in the place where we are, no matter how painful it is.  We stay stuck because stuck is safe. We know how stuck works.  We can complain to our friends about our problems and get the sympathy we want. We can blame our lack of progress on the treatment we have received or the problems with live with.

Truly putting effort into working on new ways to feel better risks our life becoming completely different and we don't know how that works.  We will have to be brave and face new situations.  Finding healing means we will be a different person and we don't know who that is.

So next time, before you embark on another diet, a new type of complementary therapy or open a new self help book ask yourself, do you really want to become a different person?  Are you ready to find out what the new you looks like and the new challenges that come with it?  If the answer is no that is what you need to work on first rather than what you thought was most important to you.

I am hoping to use the new EFT techniques I am learning at the moment to work on this aspect.... but if I am successful I will then have accept that I am in charge of my life and I really can change things.  Time to try and make that leap again, I wonder if I am up to the task?  Why don't we try and leap together, holding hands!

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/