The comparisons we make with other people

We often look at people around us and we think "wow I wish I was more like them", other times we think "why can't they be more like me?" Particularly if they have problems that we can see answers to or they treat us badly.

In the end we have to let go of these comparisons and accept that we are all different, that we deal with life in our own ways, and we can do no different.  If we can't accept that person for who they are we can gently offer to lend a hand or we can walk away, anything more is simply trying to make that person be more like us.


This is a lesson I think we all need to learn, even me!

So next time you want to be like someone else, send yourself a little love because you are perfect as you are for this moment. And when you want someone to be more like you, send them some love, because they are perfect for themselves in this moment.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/

Our travelling companion – The Ego

Today I met my ego, and it wasn’t a pretty sight.  I knew it wouldn’t be and I wasn’t surprised, but it was very interesting and hopefully a step towards healing it and teaching it its place in my life.

Ego is something we all have.  Even the great spiritual leaders who people claim have no ego have one.  The difference is, theirs is in its rightful place.

It has taken me some time to understand what ego is for and now I realised it can be seen as being like a pet dog.  If it is untrained it will take charge and rule the roost, but if put into its correct place and trained it will become a loyal protector.

Just like the mind is for analysis and understanding, but not for compassion and heart led situations, our ego is to show is that we have an equal standing in society.  It helps us set boundaries, marking out what is reasonable and what is not.  When those boundaries are crossed, like a guard dog, our ego steps forward assertively defending us.

The problem is, when we are young so is our ego, it is like a puppy looking to the elder dogs around it for guidance; the elder dogs being the egos of the people around us while we are growing up.  If that puppy is nurtured and shown how to be it will become our loyal friend; but sadly so many of those elder dogs teach the wrong lessons just like they were taught when they were growing.

Of course this is all a metaphor, but you can see how it applies to the world around us.  As we grow up we learn how to use our ego from the situations we find ourselves in.  We may learn from the way our parents treat others as well as how they treat us.  Maybe we are taught that the best way to survive is to be quiet and submissive to those who have stronger wills than us.  Maybe we learned that if we throw our weight around we can get what we want.  Whatever we are taught we often move out into the world with an ego that is already badly taught and is often in charge of our reactions to the world around us.

Moving from young childhood our world expands and we meet up with other people who have badly trained egos.  We learn we can either manipulate those that are submissive or we have to back down to those that are stronger than us.  Those of us who are weak may also learn to hide the weakness and pretend to be braver or stronger.  There may also come a time when we become sick of being trampled on and lash out to assert ourselves.  Unfortunately, by this point we have no real idea how to do this so we make bad choices; just like a dog that has been kicked too many times our ego causes us to “bite” anyone who comes near us.

By the time we are adults our ego is so confused we can end up lost in choices that we simply don’t understand.  We have no set boundaries and we allow some to cross them and hurt us and we keep others at arms reach.  While we are in control of our lives we can fool ourselves into thinking our egos are fine, but as soon as we come across someone that challenges our view of ourselves we can react badly.

Many of us continue with this for the rest of our lives.  For those that have powerful egos life may appear easy on the surface.  They may get what they want by force, but deep down I wonder how happy they are.

For those that have learned to hide or submit to stronger egos it can be hard to find their way through the world.  A part of them, deep down, tells them they are worth more than they could wish for, but the greater life teachings say that they are worthless and must accept their position.

At this stage I see my ego for what it is and I am simply learning to accept it.  Accept its perfection as part of who I am and a result of the life I have lived.  In time I hope to start teaching this old dog new tricks in the hope that between us we can find our rightful place in the scheme of things.  It is likely to be a slow process of understanding, compassion and facing fear and guilt, but in time I am certain it will be worth it.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/

Bach remedies are for everyone, so why see a practitioner?

One of the most important teachings of Dr Bach was that everyone can learn to use the Bach remedies, and he was right.

When we study to be practitioners it is impressed upon us that we must not use any esoteric method to choose the right remedy for the client.  We should base our choice solely on an understanding of the situation and that of the remedy.  We are also taught to explain to the client why we have chosen a specific remedy to ensure that they both agree that it is the right remedy and also understand why it was chosen.  This gives the client their power back when they could so easily hand it over to the practitioner.

Personally I agree with this completely.  Although there is a level of inbuilt obsolescence where we would eventually become redundant to a long term client I think it is important that they are in control of their treatment and can, at sometime, work with the remedies on their own.

Alongside this teaching element in sessions there is also a host of books and websites available to the public to help them choose their own remedies and the remedies themselves can be bought quite easily.

So, why would you see a practitioner when you can do it yourself?

I never really understood this until one winter I decided to revisit the remedies I was using to deal with my SAD.  For the previous couple of years I had been taking Gorse and  Mustard and they were not working.  Gorse is for when you are ready to give up, everything you have tried hasn't worked and you are resigned to being unhappy.  Mustard is for the times when a dark cloud has blocked out the light in your life, but when you evaluate the situation you can't actually see what is causing it.

I couldn't understand why this wasn't working, they fitted how I felt completely.

The problem was, I was not being objective.

It is hard to be objective when you are trapped inside the feelings.  You think they are justified and that is all there is.  What I hadn't realised what that I was simply feeling sorry for myself.  I was unhappy because I felt so unhappy.  As soon as I realised this I reached for the Willow and things got a lot better.

Another example.

When we moved to our new home we brought with us our 2 cats; Bryn and Taf (yes, they did come from Wales).  Sadly 3 months after our move Taf crossed the big road and got run over.  As a result of this we re-homed Katie and Scruffy and we decided that the cats were to be kept in at night as I was so worried about them. 

As summer came Katie and Scruffy came home later and later at night and I would spend nights in bed crying or driving round the area worried they had been hurt.  Naturally I reached for the Red Chestnut remedy to help me deal with this.  Red Chestnut is for situations where you are deeply worried about someone else, in this case my cats.

It seems perfect sense, but again it was not working and I couldn't
understand why.  Again I took a moment out of myself to understand what was really happening.  Although I was worried about the cats I realised that if they were killed I wasn't worried about them, I was worried about how I would feel.  I was frightened of the emotions that I would feel if another cat was lost.  Red Chestnut was not going to work on that.  This was a situation where I needed Mimulus for fear and Cherry Plum for fear of losing control.

So, from this you can see where a practitioner comes in.  There are times when we are far too caught up in our own emotions to see what is really going on.  Talking to someone who has a knowledge of the remedies and can also ask the questions you yourself might not see need to be asked can make all the difference in picking the right remedy.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/