When trying to help can actually be toxic.

Someone on a group I am on just posted a topic about how you would feel if you found out you only had 24 hours to live; would you regret the things you haven't done.

I wanted to post my reply because I think this is an important point and a sign that people think they are helping when reality they are sewing toxic seeds into people's minds.

In subtly telling someone that they need to consider that they may regret what they haven't done they are suggesting that we should have a list of things we want to do before we die; that id we don't have that then we are wasting our lives.

Then there is the implication that if we don't fulfil that list again, we are wasting our lives.

Finally, if they aren't enough toxic subliminal messages already the final one is that if you are not meeting your goals and checking off those boxes you are somehow less a person than the one posting the message.  Somehow you must be considered weak and useless if you are not the kind of person who can jack everything in and white knuckle it trusting that the universe will provide it all while we follow our dreams.

I know that the motivation behind the post was a desire to encourage people to reach out and follow their dreams but we need to learn to be more compassionate and listen to the underlying messages we give when we are trying to encourage people.

Anyway... here is my reply, I hope it helps people see that these check lists are not necessary...

I personally don't want to use fear of regret as a reason to do something, I want to do something because it inspires me.

When I get to the end of life what will actually be important to me? Will it matter whether I made it to Moscow or if I saw the northern lights?

We fear not achieving our list of check boxes because we don't believe we will have another chance and because people tell us we should achieve tangible things in our lives.

In believing in reincarnation my priorities change. I know that if I don't get to Moscow in this life there is time to try again in the next life. I also realise that it just isn't important at all.

What matters more is that I have faced fears themselves not created reasons to have new ones. 

 What matters is that I have learnt to be compassionate and loving and that I haven't accrued any more negative karma whilst evolving my soul at the same time.

What matters is that I have learnt to love myself enough to know that I haven't given myself another rod to beat myself with by creating "a check list of things I need to do before I die" in the first place.

What matters is that I have been gentle on myself enough to accept that in this place and time I am not capable of doing much more than I am doing already. My boundaries can grow slowly, and it is important that they do so, but to believe that I could simply quit it all, face my fears and follow my dreams is just another reason to hate myself because I am simply not ready.

Although I cannot tell you how I would feel if I found out was going to die in 24 hours, until I face that there is no way I will know, but, I would like to think I have learnt to love myself enough to know that I did as well as I could and be happy with that.

The flip side of "You only get one life"

I often see or hear people saying "You only get one life so make the most of it"; as someone who strongly believes in re-incarnation I find this quite fascinating .

This belief is quite fundamental and we tend to stand on one side or the other and although we don't think about it it can affect the whole way we live our lives.

When you believe in "one life" your focus might be on reaching goals such as the career, the family, making your million.  It might be about having as much fun as possible or only doing what you feel is the right thing to do.

When you know there are more lives to come, for me anyway, there is less focus on goals and more on intention.  With re-incarnation comes a belief in karma of some kind and for me it is less important for me to check off boxes showing I have fulfilled my goals, rather I am hoping to clear as much karma as possible so that the next life can be truly fantastic.

I don't worry about whether I have lived every day to the full because I don't believe my time is limited.  Yeah, I will die, but I will get another lifetime to fill.  This belief allows me to kick back a little and smell the roses.

It's great to see so many people motivated by the desire to make the most of their limited time, but if there is no spiritual belief it can turn into self indulgent hedonism. 

Willow - for when we feel sorry for ourselves

As I am writing this blog I have a cold and I am feeling pretty sorry for myself.  I have turned into a grumpy teenager who wants to go out and play not sit inside being ill.  When this happens it's time to reach for the willow Bach Flower remedy.  If we find ourselves making statements such as "It's not fair" or "why me" this is when this remedy comes into its own.

Dr Bach said about people in a willow state: "They feel that they have not deserved so great a trial, that it was unjust, and they become embittered."

Willow helps us see that everyone has misfortune and guides us find our optimism again. In doing so we are able to accept that our situation is transitory and all things will pass.  From this place we can come to a level of acceptance which often leads to the change we desire.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/

 

Does your good mood return with the sun?

The weather over the last few weeks has been wonderful; sunny, dry and warm.  As someone with Seasonal Affective Disorder I am soaking up as much of this as possible and feeling like a completely different person to who I am when the clocks change and the winter returns.  No-one who met me today would know there was a different Heather waiting to come back out at the end of October when the clouds block out the sun.



But what is SAD?

In my blog Seasonal Affective Disorder - it's that time of year I go into some depth as to what this disorder is.  However, in brief SAD suffers tend to find that when the weather changes and we move into winter their personality and energy levels change.  They may experience amongst other symptoms:

1. Fatigue
2. Brain fog
3. Depression
4. Anxiety
5. A craving for carbohydrates

More people experience this than are aware of it meaning some people are spending their winters deeply unhappy without looking into what they can do about it.  Others are aware of it but don't realise life doesn't have to be like this.

With the main causes appearing to be altered circadian rhythms due to changing day length and vitamin D deficiency caused by reduced levels of sunlight hitting the skin the only true cure is to move nearer the equator.  However, this does not mean that action cannot be taken to lessen its effects.

Some of the things that can be done to help with the symptoms are:

1. Use of light therapy in a number of different forms
2. Taking supplements to balance brain chemistry
3. The use of techniques such as mindfulness and CBT to help reduce depression and anxiety
4. Complementary therapies to help balance the mind/body/spirit

If you are interested in working on improving your winters I plan to be running a number of short workshops later in the year.  Please visit my website and Facebook page for more information on dates.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/

What do you say to someone that says they are anxious?

Since early childhood I have been shy.  As I got older I hoped I would grow out of it and, although my comfort zone is much bigger and I have better coping mechanisms, I still find myself living by the moto I took on when I was 18 of "feel the fear and do it  anyway".

It sounds as though my biggest problem is facing fear, but in reality this isn't the case.  My biggest problem is getting the support I need when faced with a stressful situation.  You see, if you are someone who doesn't live with anxiety it is very hard to understand someone who does.  Just like I have no idea what it is like to be frightened of cats others can't understand why I get so anxious about things like going through the airport process when I am not actually scared of flying.

When I am faced with a situation that causes me anxiety I simply need someone to be aware that I may be hesitant or a little distracted but, because many people don't understand, I am often unable to share and ask for the help I need.  I will get through the situation but it is so much easier if I know there is someone who will support me through it.

So, I would like to challenge you.  Next time you are faced with someone who is anxious, forget that what they are saying makes no sense at all and ask them what they need.  You will probably find all they need is you to be aware and reassuring.  If you feel confident about the situation share that confidence in a gentle non-judgemental way.  Let them know you are there and all will be well.  In doing this you are helping this person expand their comfort zone gently.  Rather than being anxious about both the situation and your reaction, they are able to lean on your confidence and allow themselves to feel safe while in an environment that is strange to them.

With this there is the additional bonus of helping them build positive memories of the event if they every have to face that situation again.  Although I have memories of being so exhausted I was near collapse the last time I went through an airport I also remember my husband not judging me, holding my hand and getting me through it.  With this memory I am certain I would deal with an airport much better next time.

Forget it doesn't make sense and just be there for them.  It will make the situation easier for all.

Some thoughts on where we are now...

It's not very often I talk about planetary energies as I often believe that people that do talk more about what is going on for them but are projecting it onto the planet.... however, I am going to stick my neck out here..

Around me so many people are having their lives turned upside down. They are being forced to change and at the same time trust whatever higher power they believe in.

2012 was the year of the shift. In December that year we passed through the grand alignment and the end of the Mayan calendar, stepping into a new paradigm. People dealt with a LOT of fear as we moved into energy we had not felt before.

2013 was the year we recovered and celebrated the shift, new ideas were formed but little happened. We knew something was coming and we were champing at the bit to get there but nothing seemed to work.

Now, here in 2014, we are being asked to make those necessary changes. We are either going by choice or we are being picked up and moved to where we should be. Like the child learning to walk our parents are gently (and sometimes not so gently) steering us to the future we deserve.

It's a tough time, I know I am filled with ideas and plans but I can see no way to be able to follow them. For me this is about trusting that I am not wasting my time and energy on something that will never happen.

For others the shift is much more drastic.

All I can say to those that are struggling at the moment is stay strong and trust your intuition and your higher power. There are plans for us. We may not know what they are at the moment, and the transition may be painful, but we are going somewhere amazing... all will be well.

I personally feel it will become clearer in 2015. I know that seems a long way off, but it feels like we are laying foundations for something wonderful and much bigger.

Mustard - A shining light on a gloomy day

We all have days when we just can't seem to raise a smile.  We look around our lives and we can't see any reason for feeling gloomy and yet we feel like a dark cloud has fallen over our lives.

Dr Bach said about the Mustard state; " It may not be possible to give any reason or explanation for such attacks.  Under these conditions it is almost impossible to appear happy or cheerful."

Just like the colour of the mustard flower this remedy brings sunshine to our spirit on those gloomy days and helps the smile return to our faces.

Visit my website to learn about my healing practice  

http://www.crystaloak.moonfruit.co.uk/